Marge Hicke

Today I was given a beautiful gift, wrapped in shiny paper and tied with bunches of ribbon—time with a friend.  We had a bite to eat and then began to wander down many paths — paths of thoughts and ideas, of memories and dreams.  We visited the garden of courage of conviction and solid beliefs.  Exploring what we held as firm beliefs in our own lives, we recognized that there could arise situations that would shake those beliefs in such a way that it was possible we would act against them. And we saw the plant of compassion in that garden and next to it a packet of seeds labeled “judgment” waiting to kill that plant if we could not have Empathy–that ability to walk in another’s shoes. We recalled historical moments in our lifetimes that had been carried out by people who stood in their beliefs against all odds and what was accomplished by doing so.  Some accomplishments were horrific, with lack of morals and ethics; others were monumental with compassion and moral strength.  The strength of the belief, however, was unwavering.

As we left the garden, we renewed our belief that when we are clear, honest and direct and act with good conscience and compassion, we will create monumental moments in our lives!

Take a step in your garden today! Give yourself a gift and take with you someone whom you cherish.

In the midst of the stillness of wintertime, we can develop our awareness and mindfulness. When we are mindful, we are better able to be aware of our body, mind and spirit,—thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Refraining from judging them, we welcome these feelings as friends, with compassion. With empathy we can respond to our feelings and choose how we want to act in difficult situations because we are no longer reacting to these thoughts and emotions.

Take deep breaths and allow yourself to be aware of all that is around you. Delight in it!

Success has been in my thoughts recently, so I thought I might share a few thoughts and quotes and see how they fit for you.

I invite you to take a deep breath—and another–and close your eyes. Breathe in the successes you have had in your life, for I am sure there are many. I realize you may not recognize them because of the meaning society puts on the word “success.”

“We walk away from our dreams, afraid that we may fail, or, worse yet, that we may succeed.”
Finding Forester–a great film. If you have not seen it, you may want to rent it.

“Success is liking who I am;
Liking what I do;
And liking how I do it.” Maya Angelou

I wonder what success is for you. For the Olympic contender it is doing better today than yesterday; doing personal best. For all of us it is doing our personal best and, yet, that is different for each of us. For the shy person it may be a smile to a stranger; for the clinically depressed it may be getting out of bed; for the CEO it may be the big contract.

Some say “Success is the quality of the Journey.” I say, take time to celebrate the successes of your day; write them in a journal or in your planner. What we focus on grows! So focus on and celebrate the project you finally began and the time you took for yourself and the letter you wrote to a friend and the e mail you answered—and —and — and ……. and I will celebrate the success of finally sharing these thoughts with you.

Enjoy each moment! Take a couple of deep breaths again and breathe in success and breathe out celebration!

No question about it! There are not enough hours in the day to do everything! For years I have been an advocate of “Special Time” for parents with their children. But, as I see the deterioration of other relationships, I have begun advocating this time with spouses, significant others, and friends, as well as children and adolescents, as a small step to enhance or rebuild the significant relationships in our lives.

Special Time — one-on-one time for small amounts of time. Focused attention. A time which is not interrupted (not even for pagers and mobile phones!). A time which is never taken away as punishment or to “get even.” Special Time is a commitment to relationship.

Special Time with children is the easiest to define. It is one parent with one child for a length of ten or fifteen minutes. The optimum frequency is every day, but a consistent time, as often as possible, is more important than no time. This is not a time to remind the child of missed chores or inappropriate behavior. The child is in charge. By that I mean he may choose the activity (except video games and television). She decides if she wants the parent to watch or to participate. Using a timer prevents the parent from becoming the “timekeeper.” Make appropriate eye contact. Enter your child’s world and talk about his interests. Listen. Listen. Listen. Enjoy your child.

When there are older children, Special Time may change in frequency or length. Consistency is paramount and the adult may have to insist, because the job of the adolescent is to resist. Emphatically, this is a time to enter the young person’s world, without trying to rearrange it. Again! Listen! Listen! Listen! The more adults are willing to listen and suspend judgment, the more the older children will trust them with their ideas, opinions, and daily life.

How often in our overcommitted world does our most significant relationship suffer? I meet with couples whose only night out is their visit to my office! The person with whom we have chosen to spend our life deserves ten to fifteen minutes of our individual attention. The relationship deserves a time where we make eye contact and listen to what is shared with us, where we listen without interruption, where we enter the other’s world, suspending our own, for a few minutes.

Many other types of relationships come to mind, for instance, adult children with their parents, parents with their adult children, friends. We can affect the quality of these relationships with Special Time. With these cherished individuals consistency and frequency may vary, but the listening and connecting, one-on-one, often yields a view of the person’s life and heritage that might not otherwise be known.

While Special Time varies with age groups and individuals, several aspects are always present: eye contact, focus on the other, suspension of our own ideas and world, consistency and frequency. However, the most important tool of all is the ability to LISTEN with our hearts.